Purina Employee Arrested for Stealing $30,000 of Milkbones

A Purina employee was arrested earlier this year for the theft of $30,000 of Milkbone pet treats . And while the crime itself is intriguing in and of itself, there are a few odd details that make this already ludicrous heist even more surreal.

First, the employee – Barry Larson – does not have a pet to whom he would have given the stolen pet food.

Second – and arguably the most unnerving – at no point did Larson even consider selling the pilfered puppy snacks on the black market.

So what was the impetus behind Larson’s larceny?

Evidently, he thought they made for a good snack. A really good snack.

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Nothing like a good Milkbone on a summer afternoon, right Barry?

Between August 2013 and March 2015, Larson is reported to have eaten upwards of 150,000 Milkbone dog treats – a quantity with a $30,000 resale value.  To break that down further, Larson consumed roughly 3000 biscuits a day.

Purina first noticed something was amiss when they saw a noticeable drop-off in their Milkbone production line, with the amount of ingredients used far surpassing the amount of Milkbones produced. Purina had security cameras installed and when they reviewed the footage, the cause of their missing Milkbones was clear – Barry Larson was consuming nearly half of the treats that went by him in his quality check sector.

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Dammit Barry! You couldn’t leave me one?!

Needless to say, the treats passed inspection.

Larson was arrested for 15 charges of petty theft and one charge of drug possession, as he was also caught on tape smoking marijuana on the premises.

Larson’s habitual drug use and hereby unheard of consumption of canine cookies makes this one of the most extreme and exotic cases of the munchies ever recorded.

It’s as if he’d never even heard of Cheetos.

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There are so many different flavors, Barry! And they’re made for people!

Larson’s unusual habit did not just sprout from nowhere. His ex-girlfriend Patricia Nelson noticed, weeks before the conviction, that Larson would come home with an incurably foul odor in his mouth – a scent that could not be covered up with mouthwash or toothpaste. The root of the smell became apparent when, after returning home early from work, she caught her then boyfriend with his gaping maw packed to the brim with dog biscuits.

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Mmmmm no thanks.

“I nearly threw up! I was so disgusted that I packed my things and left.” said Nelson.

Larson stood trial on March 6th before a Lehigh County court, and while the results of Larson’s trial have not been made public, it may be for the best. Take it from Barry – sometimes it is best to let sleeping dogs lie.

It makes it easier to steal their treats…

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One comment

  1. 1

    You do realize that the World News Daily Report is a bogus news source, right? Their articles are good for a laugh or for duping your friends, but they shouldn’t be taken as truth.

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